To the people who care:
Yesterday (Wednesday) was a day of not much going right. I started out heading to Long Island and was overcome by fatigue. Fell asleep in a McDonald’s parking lot and left my lights on, killing my battery. Had to get jumped and then gave up on the trip. Was just too tired.
Spend most of the day sleeping before having dinner with a friend. Then returned to my tent. I watched to the north as I saw heat lightning and it began to drizzle about a mile from camp. Went into my tent and in a minute or so real lightning and a torrential downpour surrounded me. I am getting pounded at the moment, but thus far there are no leaks into the tent.
Where am I? I am paranoid about the stalking my wife has been doing and also the harassment she has given innocent people. So I won't give an exact locale. I am somewhere in New Jersey camping in a park. I change locations about once every 10 days or so. Sometimes I am in North Jersey, sometimes South Jersey. The lightning and torrential rains continue and I have just felt a few drops on my feet. There is minor leakage by my door but my bedding is on an air mattress and away from it.
This is the third storm I have gone through. I lay sick and felt exhausted about two weeks ago but the tent held up. Then on Sunday, it was a complete disaster as I had set up my tent at a new locale and left for a while. I didn’t bother to stake it, leaving it erected by the tent poles alone and everything got saturated. I kept rolling into puddles while trying to sleep and finally gave up and spent the night in my car. Monday was spent drying out.
Tuesday was difficult because the woods were so wet. It took a while to get a campfire going. So I purchased some firewood from the park and covered it with a tarp. I should be good for tonight (Thursday).
In general, I am doing well. I have kept my sense of humor and am finding it to be my greatest asset. At times, I have been pounded by e-mails from Rosemary making demands and many vicious comments. But since the divorce papers were served to my lawyer on Tuesday, the mailbox has remained somewhat quiet. My lawyer says to stay out of contact with her.
The rain continues, but no major leaks have developed and I am exhausted. I will continue to write when I wake.
I awoke around 5:30 a.m. to the continued dropping of water on my tent. But mother nature called and I had to get out to relieve myself. In the pre-dawn light, there appeared to be not a cloud in the sky. Yet the water continued to drop. A miracle of Biblical proportions? Hardly. My tent is under a canopy of many trees, some at least a century old. The water drips from them. I can walk 30 feet to the road and there is no rain.
After dealing with the morning ritual, I cooked breakfast on a charcoal grill. The Eggbeaters and apple juice are somewhat more nutritious than yesterday’s breakfast of champions: Goldfish crackers and diet cola.
I will journey through Pennsylvania to upstate New York today to get a Post office box in Port Jervis. It is to give me a New York address to make the divorce easier and to give me a place to send mail.
So what have I learned from my journey throughout the East? First, I have a feeling of who I am. Over the last 30 plus years, I had immersed myself so much into my marriage that I lost the identity that I once had. For better or worse, that has returned. I love to make jokes and laugh and enjoy being with people. In fact, I have found that people are far different than the perceptions I had developed over the course of the last few decades.
In general, people are very decent. I take the time to talk to them. For example, a dog, mostly Labrador retriever, walked up to me and I said, “Hi buddy.” Its ears perked up and then from the distance the dog heard “Buddy, here!” Apparently I had accidently told the dog his name and after a confused minute, he returned to his owner.
As the owner passed by my campsite, along with a couple of scotties, I told him what had happened and he stopped and we chatted about life for about 20 minutes. He lived near the park and was careful about campers because “city people” did not understand his dogs. The lab was so large that it scared them. Buddy, like most labs, was a gentle, loving animal whose entire ambition in life ranged from giving unrequited love to chasing squirrels and chipmunks.
So I’m more open with people. What else? I feel at peace. I don’t need to fill any role. I don’t have to be what others, mostly my wife, expected of me. I don’t spend the days hiding in a room trying to avoid the conflict the day would inevitably bring. Even when it does rain, I try to enjoy my life. I go for frequent walks and write – a whole lot – about my trip. I’m tending to focus on the little events such as seeing a gulf coast sunset and a meal shared with a complete stranger. The highlights of my trip have been visits to friends I haven’t seen in as many as 48 years. I am constantly surprised by what they share with me and I delight in learning about their lives.
My soon-to-be-ex-bride will tell you that I am hypomanic and crazy. I don’t think so. I certainly feel saner than I have been in many years. But if I am, despite being a nomad without a home, it sure feels like a good place to me.
