I had dinner with a friend tonight who pointed out that I constantly refer to my experiences with my ex. I was told, point blank, that I wasn’t ready to move on. And I have to ask myself if it is true?
I am on the verge of making a radical change in my lifestyle. I have given up my apartment and heading south to Florida for the winter. After that, I will head to Oregon to see my son’s family. I haven’t seen my granddaughter since she was baptized during the 2009 Christmas season. I will live in a small travel trailer at least through the end of the summer. But I haven’t a clue what happens after that.
I do know that my expenses will be about half of my current housing so I expect that by the end of the summer, I will have enough to indulge in many housing options. But that is not the point.
I was told that while I was going to Oregon for visiting family, I was also going there because I have unresolved issues with my ex, who lives there near our son. And that is true. She is extremely hostile to me. In a perfect world, I would like her to acknowledge that we share children and a grandchild and we should try to be civil to one another. But despite my desire for this to happen, it is out of my control.
I am told I am provoking her. Last Christmas, I sent loaves of cranberry nut bread – a family holiday tradition -- to my son. I sent extra loaves for my son’s wife’s parents and for the ex. I had hoped it would be a reminder of good things in our marriage. But I got a blistering e-mail telling me to leave her alone, and that she is engaged.
The only other e-mail I have sent her recently was to discuss our tax returns for the sale of our house last February. And I was told why should I care what she does?
So now I have to ask myself why am I doing what I am doing? I’ve always thought she was the one who was the provocative one. Between the time we separated and sold the house, there was ongoing rage via e-mail.
But she stopped. And I didn’t. She has moved on. I still have a need for a degree of being cordial. It isn’t going to happen. I am told until I let go of it, I won’t be ready to move on.
My friend shared an example from a seminar. The leader had everyone hold raw eggs in their hand, constantly. They were harassed and constantly told to maintain their grip. Finally they were permitted to let go. Some numbers appeared on the eggs, the result of the body heat from the hands.
The seminar leader compared things we kept holding on to with the eggs. You can’t reach for new things unless you let go of the old.
As hard as it is for me, it is time to let go. Thank you for being blunt my friend.
