Photo: The Emerald Princess II casino boat out of Brunswick, GA at its berth under the Sidney Lanier Bridge.Many years ago when I was working for advertising agencies, I would head to Las Vegas a couple of times a year for trade shows. And so I gambled, never losing very much and rarely winning a little bit.
The first time I was in Las Vegas kind of hooked me on Casinos. It was the night before I departed for home and I had some spare change. I put three nickels into a slot machine and hit the jackpot. At first, I thought I had won $19,000 and was going wild. But it turned out there was a decimal point I hadn’t noticed so I only won $190.00 instead. Still, it was about a week’s pay at that time and I always looked forward to doing some gambling.
There have been times when I’ve been slaughtered but most of the time; I manage to keep fairly even. Last year, I was just outside of Tampa and received $25 in slot play at the Hard Rock Seminoe Indian Casino. I managed to work it into $90 and was ready to hit the blackjack table but the minimum play was $20 and I figured I could lose it in about 10 minutes.
But last night, I decided to do a little gambling with what was a somewhat different twist – on a gambling boat that goes outside the three-mile limit for a few hours. In this case, the boat was the Emerald Princess II out of Brunswick, GA.
At the RV park where I am staying, about 30 miles to the south, there were brochures on the boat and I decided it was a good way to kill a night. I called and learned that most of the blackjack tables had a $5 minimum, my kind of speed. So I made a reservation and showed up at 6:30 p.m. for the 7 p.m. – 1 a.m. cruise. The actual gambling is between about 8 p.m. and midnight as it takes about an hour for the ship to reach international waters from its berth.
The first thing that you see as you arrive at your destination is you are at the base of the Sidney Lanier Bridge, a truly beautiful example of functional structure. At the same time, its height is rather scary and I was very glad not to have to go over it.
You must present proof you are over 18, even at my age. As with much of the Georgia coast at this time of year, the insects were somewhat intense and it was a nuisance to walk about 300 yards from the ticket office to the boat. But once on the boat, it was comfortable. The first two decks are casino floors and the third is a dining area. The normal cost of a ticket is $10, which includes a meal before the cruse begins and a snack as you head back. I got in for free thanks to one of my RV park neighbors having a free admission ticket.
One of the first to arrive, I went into the dining room and discovered to both my horror and delight, a piano man. He was singing lite geezer music. It reminded me of the Billy Joel song.
As I entered, I looked at the menu and discovered the main entrée was “Boston Butt.” I didn’t a have a clue, but it was basically roast pork. It’s southern nomenclature as people at the park later said it was a common word. To me, “Boston Butt” evokes images of Tom Brady and the Patriots frustration when they play the Giants. The meat was served with Rice and canned green beans and you could have gravy and/or bar-b-que sauce with it. It also came with a salad and canned peaches and cookies for desert. There was also some sort of fish. A simple meal, but well cooked and tasty, it filled me up. I sat next to the window and observed a couple next to me. The man was clearly in his senior years while the woman was younger and quite stunning. After eating, they returned to the room and started looking under my table. I pointed to the table next to me and the woman retrieved the cell phone she had dropped. It was, I suspect, really good Karma for me.
One of the things I noticed about the people was there was a myriad of ways to dress. I had a dress shirt and khakis, but many wore jeans and a tee shirt while still others dressed up. I also noticed that more than half the people in the dining area were quite obese.
As the boat started to move, I went through the two casino floors. The ground floor contained blackjack tables, a roulette wheel and craps table. It was surrounded by slot machines. The second floor was similar, except the tables were for Texas Hold Em poker. Even before leaving, people were surrounding and playing electronic games that paid in tickets, which could only be redeemed after passing the three-mile border when the boat passed into international waters.
I parked myself in a corner in the slot area so I could watch the progress of the boat as it left its dock and went under the bridge. Alas, smoking is permitted everywhere except the dining area and I found myself becoming nauseated by the second hand smoke. It didn’t help that there was some boat movement as the result of the waves and at times, I staggered through the decks. I had to be really careful about going up and down the steps, as there was no elevator.
I didn’t do well at all when the casino opened. I put a $20 bill into a quarter slot machine and it did not pay out even once. Already a fifth of what I budgeted to lose was gone and my gambling time was only fifteen minutes old.
Anyhow, I figured blackjack couldn’t be worse and I went down a deck to play. I was pleasantly surprised to find the tables, while sometimes full, always had room for everyone. I avoided the smokers and bought $100 in chips. Before I played, I reviewed some of the rules of the game with one of the dealers. I had not played blackjack in decades and I thought it was wise to do so. It paid off right away.
The second hand I was dealt had two aces. I could “double down” (split the aces into two hands and add two more cards). I did so and got two blackjacks. Within moments, I had covered my $20 loss from the slots. I am a small better and for about 45 minutes bet the $5 minimum with a couple of $10 bets when I had a “feeling” I might get a good hand, usually after the dealer has pulled some sort of ridiculous way to hit 21. Gradually, I started winning a little at a time. I suddenly found myself up about $80. Now just as I know when to stop when I’m losing more than $50. I usually stop when I win more than $50. Way too often, I have watched me lose “house money” and then lose my own money. So I decided to cash in, telling people I’ve won more than I deserve.
Now at a land-based casino, I could simply walk out the door, happy to have won a little and even happier to have not lost. But three miles at night in the Atlantic is too long a swim for anyone. And it was only around 9 p.m. What was I going to do for three more hours?
So I relaxed for a while and then went against my own principles. It’s house money. What the hell? So I went back to the blackjack table. And the same thing happened. I started slowly building up my chips to another $75. And again I walked away.
I was pretty nauseated by the smoke and boat movement but discovered there was an outdoor area. One could climb up to the fourth deck and I relaxed again. I was surprised to see about 50 seagulls by the rear. I never knew they were nocturnal. I shared a philosophical question with some of my fellow passengers. I asked, “If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?” Now it’s an old joke that just about anyone living in the New York metro area knows and groans at. But the southerners didn’t understand it and just looked at me blankly.
But then, I hadn’t a clue what Boston butt was either.
Head cleared and hours more before the voyage ended, I put five bucks, or 20 quarter coin units, into a slot machine. I’m was doing OK, gradually building it up to about 35 coins when suddenly I got three “7s” and I had 370 coins to my credit. These slots are more like the ones I had used in Vegas decades ago. They pay out in real quarters instead of putting your winnings on a credit-type card. I needed to find a bucket, but I couldm’t leave the machine to do so. I finally spotted an empty one and as I went to get it, I accidently hit the lever. I won another 60 coins! It’s ridiculous! I’ve won $100 in minutes!
So I went back to the cashier, where I had just cashed in my chips, and he told me I’ve earned about 2,000 percent on my bet. All I know is I’ve got another $100 bill in my wallet.
By this time, it was around 10:30 and I had lots of house money. I went into a toilet stall and got it sorted. My winnings were nearly $300! Then I headed back for the blackjack tables. I continued to play $5 at time. I started to lose, and this time I was behind about $30. But I decided it’s house money and continued to play. Slowly, I found myself back to being even. And as I continued my $5 betting, I slowly started building up my winnings again, just not as quickly. I started to notice the betting patterns of my fellow players. Most of the younger players don’t hold at 15 or 16 and get another card that frequently busts them. In the meantime, the older players generally play against the card the dealer shows. If it is a face card, for example, they don’t increase their wager if they have a potentially good hand. But if it is a lower face card, they often double their bet. That’s because the dealer is more likely to bust. I started to occasionally use this tactic and it worked a little more often than not. Around 15 minutes before they closed down the casino to head out of international waters, I called it a night, yet another $75 ahead. I again cashed in my chips and discovered I have won around $400!
I sat down at an empty table where the Texas Hold-Em was going on. The action there had petered out and the tables were covered. I relaxed with a soda and then as the casino shut down, I made my way outdoors again. The early morning was quite pleasant. It was about 68 degrees and was accompanied by a pleasant breeze. I began people watching. Some people are absolutely wasted. A woman passed me with a bottle of beer in one hand and a can of beer and a cigarette in the other. She wasn't making much sense as she tried to find her companion. As I watched the boat head for the bridge and its berth underneath it, I realized that the reason it takes nearly an hour to go out three miles to sea is there are a number of channel markers and the captain must follow a specific course at a speed with minimal wake. I enjoyed watching a few container ships as they make their way out to sea while wondering why they choose to begin their voyages after midnight?
As we got close to the bridge, a rather attractive woman stood next to me. I was downwind from her and the sweet fragrance of her perfume added to the generally good feeling I had.
I then wentl back to the dining room where there was a snack ready. I assumed it was something like cake but it turned out to be a Southern breakfast -- grits and sausage. I hate grits and when I asked the server for just the sausage, she gave me an extra one. And so I sat down to listen to our piano man do BeeGee songs. The woman who I helped find her phone asked me how I did and I said “not bad.” She said things were “a total and complete disaster.” I replied I’ve been there and done that, but with cash filling my wallet, I really had no sympathy.
As we left the ship, I notice the woman of two beer cans and a cigarette heading to a nearby car. She pulled out and stalled right behind my truck. I had to wait for about ten minutes before she starts it again. I suppose it was better to be in my condition than her’s. I kept well away from her car as she left the parking lot.
And so I headed home -- home now being where I park it. Pup, the pup, greeted me with wild excitement as I opened the door. He had been holding it for nearly ten hours and zoomed out to the nearest tree to relieve himself. I put a leash on him and he dragged me to the place he knows where to take a dump. And I once again counted the money and realized the Princess has paid the campsite expense at my next RV port of call near Tampa. It’s a good thing. But I know I’ve won more than I deserved and won’t court this princess again for a while.
